Friday Funnies

What a great way to start the day, even if you are not a
grandparent these are precious....

She was in the bathroom, putting on her
makeup, under the
watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done
many times before.
After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the
little one said,
'But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper
good-bye!'

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy
Birthday.
He asked me how old I was, and I told him, '62.'
He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, 'Did you
start at 1?'
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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother
changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she
threw a towel around her head and stormed into
their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say
with a trembling voice, 'Who was THAT?'
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her
own childhood was like:
'We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.
We rode our pony.
We picked wild raspberries in the woods.' The little
girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in.
At last she said, 'I sure wish I'd gotten to know
you sooner!'
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
' Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?'
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, 'No, how are
we alike?'
'You're both old,' he replied.
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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her
grandfather's word processor.
She told him she was writing a story. 'What's it
about?' he asked.
'I don't know,' she replied. 'I can't read.'
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I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her
colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point
out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun
for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely,
'Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of
these yourself!'
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When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,
we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from
attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in.
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, 'It's
no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us
with flashlights.'
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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly
replied, 'I'm not sure.'
'Look in your underwear, Grandpa,' he advised.
'mine says I'm four to six.'
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A second grader came home from school and said to her
grandmother,'Grandma, guess what? We learned how to
make babies today.'
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to
keep her cool.
'That's interesting,' she said, 'how do you
make babies?'
'It's simple,' replied the girl. 'You just
change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'.'

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Children's Logic: 'Give me a sentence about a
public servant,' said a teacher. The small boy wrote:
'The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.'
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him.
'Don't you know what pregnant means?' she
asked.
'Sure,' said the young boy confidently. 'It
means carrying a child.'