Friday, May 8, 2009
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You Know You're a Mom When...
As you cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making Rice Krispie bars.
In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.
Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.
Popsicles become a food staple.
Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.
You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.
You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
Your feet stick to the kitchen floor...and you don't care.
Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
Your kid throws-up and you catch it.
Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, Not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.